I just don’t know what I feel tonight.
I was watching a soap and the story overwhelmed me that I had some moments of whimpering in front of the television. I was brought back to the years when the heart was young and green and not yet ready for the most wonderful feeling a human being ever experienced. I just wondered then why I felt uneasy when my subject of affection was just a few glances away. When the heart’s beating was just as fast as I breathed, I wondered what it was.
Reminiscing the first time the heart felt a liking for a damsel brought some heaviness of heart until I realized that it was just everybody’s experience, an “exploratory act of the unknown”. After “springtime”, the juncture of preference and acceptance was there waiting to be toured and trekked into the next level of enjoyment and difficulty.
The object of the “first exploration” became the basis of the comparison for the next “hunting season”. Realizing that love has always come at the most unexpected places and time, sometimes in the most awkward situation, I had the moment of nurturing and caring for that love growing into something beautiful and enjoyable as life went on. Marriage was realized.
Twists of events were unfavorable and it turned to the worst claiming her life. Stopping the hands of time was too late. Ninety percent of her kidney was not functioning anymore and that left ten percent doing all the filtering works of the blood. She left the world and met her Creator in heaven. It was the saddest token of my life seeing her last grasp of breath.
What’s in store for me? That, I do not know and I’m leaving it all to the Lord. Four years of togetherness has been a blessing and I guess more of the good graces will come with the absence of a better half. And speaking of a partner in life, it has been duplicated a number of times for there are people around who love me. There’s my family, relatives and friends who continue to support me in all my endeavors.